Hope Radio

I was too stunned to speak. I came in to my home, walked to my bedroom, and sat on the edge of the bed, reeling and keening, before I looked up and saw that his closet was empty. Everything was gone. My phone rang and I answered thinking it was him- that this was just some kind of sick joke. But it wasn't. My friend on the phone couldn't understand me at all at first. I was nonsensical as I moved through the house and it really hit me that he had taken my truck while I was at the restaurant and moved out. That he knew he had when he left me standing in the yard. As my words became more coherent, I found myself in the kitchen looking down at some money he had left on the counter and the debit card to our shared account. It was sinking in. "It's over," I told my friend on the phone, "I can't stay here." And I didn't. My friend bought a plane ticket and I flew to Ohio the next morning. I slept for three days. I should have ...

Between when he came back in late October and Christmas when he left again, I didn't write. School became increasingly challenging and things between Knight and I were on perpetual wobble. I was worried I had made another mistake in allowing him back into my life and MY KIDS. He still wasn't doing to much in terms of decision making and executing which imbued much trust in me and I was turning into a clingy, batshit crazy mess.  It came to a head the day before Christmas Eve. I waited at a restaurant for him to pick me up after talking to his soon to be ex-wife. An hour passed, then another, then another.  I was starting to wonder what was keeping him when I got his text: "I can't do this anymore." I heard a groan but it didn't sound like it came from me. I stood up and quickly walked out front. He had my truck. It looked like he was leaving me. Panic. Questions. Disbelief. Shock. I didn't really believe I was even standing there in the ...