Not my time...

I broke it off with Knight again.  He's not ready. I wasn't either when I was unhappy. It took me a long time to leave Tony and I got impatient with Knight. I wanted to be happy now or to at least start on it. I think I was being a little selfish. I should put him first if I love him...
I should.
but I got self preserving and prideful...
I didn't want to manipulate him into staying with me.

fuck.

He is torn.

I love him.
very much.

I want him to be happy.
I want to be able to function and his go ing back and forth was breaking my heart.
He didn't mean it.
But he couldn't do different.
SO.
I've taken some steps back.

I'm shredded.
Work is kicking my ass.
Tony is kicking my ass.

I just wanted to be loved and most important.
It's not my time, yet.

I'm trying to be understanding and loving even if it means losing him.

There has to be a reason for this...and a way to get through it.

but I can't see it, yet.


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