Stunned

I had a couple of really dark, dark days there. The stress of a very tough job, my divorce and Layne's own issues just cratered me. I couldn't get my head up. I was really lucky to have friends come and hold it up for me. I really was.

Comments on Facebook, calls, admonishments to eat and suck it up were critical to moving through it. By yesterday afternoon, I was able to see that I needed to stop white knuckling this. Layne needed to make his choices and the only thing I could do was tell my truth and try to move forward even when that was the last thing I could possible want to do.

I saw him last night. He was out on the west end of the island. He confessed he was coming from a hangout he thought I might be at. I confessed that I had been at a sports bar in the later evening with my girl bestie and her husband  because I couldn't stomach the idea of being in my bedroom alone.
Anyway afterwards I found myself headed to the island.
We met.
We talked for hours.
He told me he couldn't stay with her.
He told me he went back and stayed on the couch these last few days and that he didn't htink he could go through with being there.

He said he was sorry he had put me through all of this and that he couldn't live without me.

He apologized profusely and lots more was said and frankly, I'm still stunned at the turn of events.


I'll write more after I have absorbed it, but I am really relieved.

Hope

Comments

  1. JOctober 19, 2012 at 7:32 PM

    Sorry I missed the last few posts, but you would not believe where I have been the last couple of weeks.

    I'm glad it is better,but you know this too shall pass. I am not saying that you too don't end up together, I think you do. But I also think it will be a very, very tough path.

    I know this is easier said than done, but when it all seems to be going to hell think about the end not the process. Each time this happens, each time you come together, each time you move apart, it is part of that process.

    Both of you are conflicted in one way or another, both of you are damaged. You may be farther along in all this than he is, but you remember what you have had to go through so far. Well, so will he, no matter how much you would like to spare him the pain.

    The path to the happy ending is not the happy part. You will get through it. And you can help him get through it too, you just cannot do it for him.

    ReplyDelete

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