Bottom

I'm going to sound like such a pathetic piece of shit when I say this, but who cares?

I wish I was dead.

I'm sure its very common to feel worthless and abandoned when someone who worked so hard to take down your walls and make you see how beautiful and special you are leaves your ass, but somehow the trite, cliched adolescent aspect of this doesn't make me want to feel any less dead.

So there it is.

Bottom.

I feel self destructive, hopeless, worthless, abandoned, heavy, numb, excruciating pain.
I'm not sure if I can take this, people.

It's breath by ragged breath.
Sleep is a series of nightmares and cramps and tangled sheets.
Food is like sand.
I am living on coffee and some freakish energy source that gets me up and mothering and teaching.

Kind of.
I'm so ashamed of how fucked I feel.
So damn ashamed.